The peaceful times are over. Moloch von Zinzer was murdered, and Nine was sentenced as his murderer. Everyone in Cartesio knows that.
Although life goes on, it seems the town of Cartesio isn't going to forget the tourists' transgressions. Not only they commited larceny in the cinema, they also murdered and executed in their town! It's no surprise their hospitality towards the visitors has cooled down considerably.
Not only they're maintaining a tense cordiality with them, they also have started talking behind the visitors' backs. All kinds of rumors are starting to sprout, yet nobody seems to be willing to say it to the tourists' faces. Talking directly to most passerby makes them distrustful, and nobody seems to want to be in close quarters alone with them.
It's only matter of time before the relationship between tourists and Cartesio starts degrading even further.
In the lobby of the motel there's a few more brochures, and
the maps have been updated once again.
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cartesianism2018-10-14 10:52 am
can we just assume everything out of this girl's mouth is a whole series spoiler? that'd be easier
[Then Rean was wrong, and they really never could have brought Crow back, even without Testa-Rossa getting in their way. And that's a reality that Millium refuses to accept.]
...It's not true. It's just not.
[Perhaps that's too simple of an answer to boil it down to, but Millium can't possibly put anything more complicated to words.
Everything Dazai says from that point on is a bit much for her, even, but she just nibbles at her ice cream and listens to him, keeping a level gaze on him.]
So then... what I'm feeling now, I'm supposed to feel this way? ...and then, I should have felt it for Moloch, too. For Mira, for Lovepon. ...and for Crow, more than I did.
[She draws that leg in as close as she can.]
...Am I gonna have to feel like this every time? That's... it's just so much. How do you guys take it?
we sure can
And the grief we feel at that loss... will match their significance to us.
[He drops his spoon back into the cup and leans back against his chair.]
Anything that is worth having in your life, especially the people in it, you have to be prepared to lose. I've always lived with that at the forefront of my mind. And once it's gone, you must have no expectation that you'll ever get it back. In most cases it's simply not possible.
Coming here... I've had to come to terms with a fear I never thought possible. I live in fear every day of a nightmare I never believed possible. If I lost Odasaku a second time, now-- I... I don't know what I'd do.
[And that is, for him, so strange that it's quite scary.]
It is a lot. But the loss is always proportional to the impact of all the good. It's possible for people to live on with the remnants-- whether it's a treasured belonging, memories... or the knowledge of the impact those lives made. People do it every day. It doesn't make it hurt less. But it's possible to live in spite of it.
no subject
What Dazai says to start with makes sense, although she can't help but still feel something like guilt gnawing at her for those she didn't particularly mourn. Still, that makes more sense of why Crow and Nine hurt so badly. They only briefly touched upon her life, but they'd absolutely made their marks.
It's the rest of it that's concerning. She's not sure she's prepared to lose some of the other people she can already tell are making their marks on her, and here Dazai is telling her she has to be. How does one prepare for that? A question to ask later, perhaps, because all she can manage at first is:]
We just have to keep goin' forward... relentlessly. Right?
[That's the part of Crow that she'll live on with, more than anything else.
But there is one more pressing thing...]
Wait. You've lost Oda before?
CW: the suicide talk is back
...I told you that before he came here, Odasaku made a decision. That was four years prior to my recent memory. And it was the last decision he ever made in that life.
[Dazai taps on the table as he finishes the tale— or at least enough of it to explain. There are some things that should come from Oda himself after all.]
Haaah... he committed a double suicide, knowing full well what would happen. And it’s that view of himself that he’s brought back with him from death itself. Our dear friend the Sergeant it would seem, admitted to bringing him back himself.
no subject
[She takes another couple bites of her ice cream, thinking.]
If Sarge brought him back, maybe we can find a way to keep him, too. I just... I don't want this to be a repeat of what happened with Crow.
I don't wanna chase and chase and keep trying to convince him just to lose him again...
no subject
[He'd thought a lot about Oda in the time he'd been gone back home. That man, though... he'd tried not to think of too often.]
It may be very difficult. Odasaku is a stubborn man.
[Yet he hums and smiles when he says it.]
However-- I let him step out of my reach once. I've already decided. This time he can try to run-- but I'll chase him no matter where he goes.
[Goodness, this got dark for a conversation at the ice cream shop. He gently pats Millium on the head.]
Be careful that you don't pick up any bad habits from idiots like us.
cw suicide bc dazai
[Stubborn, she means.
She picks up on what Dazai's implying, but decides it's best not to respond one way or the other. This is the self-proclaimed suicide maniac. If he's going to follow Oda into the grave... well, that just means she'll have to do her best to keep Oda out of it if she wants to keep Dazai out, won't it? That's all there is to be done with that.
She manages a little smile at that headpat, and up at Dazai.]
I'll do my best, but no promises. I'm kinda an idiot myself, so I've heard.
no subject
He can think of a few good examples at least.
It's a shame though, that someone like her has to worry about his actions. But then-- that's just the kind of person she's become, isn't it?]
No one can ask for more than your best. I have a feeling you'll do just fine.