week 5, post trial.

[robitussin]

[Another week draws to a close, but as more culprits are led away, something is different all the same. After this particular trial, perhaps it's not a surprise that there's no note or offer to meet in a specific place tonight. Can any of them say they have any energy or desire to do something like that at a time like this? The place they regrouped last Saturday evening stands there, burned nearly beyond recognition, and the townspeople look at them with the distrust that's been steadily building. Not to mention... Those are the least of the losses they've faced in the last few days.

Of course, even as so much changes day by day, the town remains, with plenty of places for people to go if they don't want to stay inside the motel. Where can you be found tonight?]

Comments

[marmoron]

Getting there, I guess.

[Still distant now that's he's thinking about Cian and Millium again.]

[robitussin]

...You're thinking something else.

[It's quiet, not pushing.]

[marmoron]

[There's a small pause, then:]

I thought this was about you getting things off yor chest.

[Sounds a bit too flat to be defensive.]

[robitussin]

...I'm thinking that I want to know what you're thinking, unless you don't want to talk about it.

[marmoron]

[Well she's right to think he doesn't really want to talk about Millium and Cian. It just... hurts and there's nothing else to that sentiment other than getting lost in a vortex of feeling sorry for yourself when they have so much left to do. So much to try and piece together. Why acknowledge how terrible you feel when you can just engage in risky behavior in a desperate attempt to make things stop hurting?

What is easier to express, however, is anger and there's plenty of that to go around. After a moment, he obliges with an honest response.]

I can't believe being what I am matters so damn much.

[The words are bitterer than he intended. Olympia's words still make him sick to his stomach. You're an alien pretending to be human. It shouldn't get to him, but she hit a real bulls-eye here.]

[robitussin]

[There's a small pause at that. There are a few things he could be referring to, and before she responds, she wants to be sure she's not misinterpreting anything.]

What do you mean?

[marmoron]

It shouldn't -- [A hard stop mid-sentence. Keith breathes out and looks down and away. When he speaks again, the bitterness is under better check, but the reluctance to talk is obvious.] It doesn't bother me.

It's just ... I've never connected with people easily. Everyone else did that so easily -- smile, make friends, all that. When I found out I was part Galra, I thought.. maybe that was part of the reason why I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. Maybe I just wasn't supposed to, y'know? Not human, not Galra. For a little while, the other paladins kept looking at me like I was just... an alien pretending to be human, like I'd been living some lie this entire time.

[He pauses, looking directly at Natalie.]

Don't get me wrong. I know it's stupid. I know it doesn't matter if I'm human or Galra or whatever. I'm me and that's all there is to it. Just wasn't expecting to be hated for that here is all.

[robitussin]

Don't...

[She starts, but - maybe 'don't be dumb, it isn't stupid' isn't the best approach here. So she halts and thinks for a moment, chewing on her lip.]

I get it. I mean, not the whole... alien thing, I can't really say I understand what that feels like. But, the important thing is that anyone who treats you like that is an asshole.

[...And then, after a moment:]

Which doesn't make it suck less, I know.

[marmoron]

[There are a few things he could say to that, but he doesn't. He's already said too much and half-way regrets even acknowledging any kind of emotional impact Olympia's bullshit reason for framing him in the first place. Keith goes quiet for a moment or two.]

Like I said, I'm used to it. Shouldn't have been caught off guard.

[It is, after all, normal for people to be suspicious of aliens and half aliens. And maybe Natalie's the same way and is only talking to him because she's trying to be polite or whatever.]

[robitussin]

That's bullshit.

[It's blunt as ever, but the reasoning she follows up with is, at least, sincere.]

Maybe you're used to it, but you shouldn't have to be, so don't beat yourself up for being upset that people are assholes.

[marmoron]

I'm not beating myself up, Natalie.

[He's definitely getting defensive here. Doesn't want to be though, so he stops and tries again.]

Sorry. I'm -- sorry. You don't have to listen if you don't want to.

[robitussin]

You just said you thought it was stupid for you to care about it, and that you should've have been caught off guard. What else do you call that?

[She sighs, though, some concern leaking into her voice.]

You don't have anything to apologize for. If I didn't want to listen, I wouldn't have asked.

[marmoron]

It is pretty stupid to care about that. I'm over it. I've just -- [Never had the murder of two people pinned on him because he's part alien? Was already reeling from losing two people he cared about, one of whom he was actively trying to protect this week?]

Look. I'm really bad at talking about this stuff and I don't want to make a bad night worse.

[robitussin]

If it was anyone else saying this to you, would you tell them it was stupid?

[She sighs.]

Look, we don't have to talk about it, just... Know that you aren't making anything worse, okay?

[marmoron]

I ...[The question ...kinda throws him off for a second.] ... maybe? People don't usually come to me with their emotional problems.

[After saying that he goes quiet a long moment, glancing down at the street.]

How do you feel?

[robitussin]

...I just think you're being tougher on yourself than you would be on anyone else.

[She frowns, though, thinking it over as he asks her that.]

A lot.

[Which is... an honest answer, all things considered.]

[marmoron]

....I'm kind of the leader of my group. I have to be tougher on myself, you know.

[because when he wasn't, that came with lethal consequences. So no pressure or anything.]

Go on.

[See how fun and easy this is, Natalie?]

[robitussin]

Maybe back home, but it seems like more of a group effort here. Or... Okay, I'm not going to say there aren't people here who take the lead, but there's more of them than just you.

[She chews on her lip for a moment.]

I don't know. Angry for starters, I guess.

[marmoron]

I know. Trust me, I'm not trying to lead anyone here. But I am staying sharp for myself.

[And for some people around him, but that's neither nor there. Not a conversation he wants to get side trakcedb by now that they're talking about Natalie's feelings rather than his own.]

And you're angry about... what? [....] No cop out answers like "everything."

[robitussin]

Staying sharp doesn't have to mean blaming yourself for stuff out of your control.

[There's another sigh as she runs a hand through her hair.]

That any of us have to keep dealing with this bullshit.

[marmoron]

[He isn't going to address the first part of that.]

It's been five weeks since the start. We've lost a lot of people. Probably gonna lose a few more before we can put a real stop to any of this.

[His tone's soft, but his anger's running a little cold rather than hot at the moment.]

At least you've never been a suspect at those trials.

[robitussin]

[She notices that, and it's evident in the frown she gives, but she doesn't address it.]

What does a real stop mean? He's just going to do this again, and if we stop him, he apparently has a boss who can probably just send someone else to do it.

[His next words get a shrug.]

If I was, I'd just work harder to figure out who it was.

[marmoron]

He told me his boss might make an appearance at the end. I'm going to kill all of them if I can.

[Blunt. But it's a joyless declaration: determined but flat.]

It's just humiliating.

[robitussin]

[There's a long pause, and an expression that grows more tense.]

...Don't say that.

[marmoron]

[Turning to look at her with a raised eyebrow.]

Why?