natalie "awkwardly cares" goodman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
robitussin) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
cartesianism2018-11-10 07:14 pm
robitussin) wrote in cartesianism2018-11-10 07:14 pm
week 6, post trial
[Their numbers keep falling. Three people have died already this week, with two more on the way tomorrow. With the outburst the townspeople gave them once the results came through... If anyone were feeling downhearted, it's to be expected at this point. Things continuing at their current pace is a frightening thought, after all. Like last week, the offer to spend time together or meet in a central location doesn't come.
Hawks and Dabi wait for the morning in their cells, but the rest of the tourists are free to wander about the town as they please; free to rest, to talk with each other, and to try to gather strength wherever they can. So, where does the evening find you, Cartesio?]
Hawks and Dabi wait for the morning in their cells, but the rest of the tourists are free to wander about the town as they please; free to rest, to talk with each other, and to try to gather strength wherever they can. So, where does the evening find you, Cartesio?]
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You don't have to say that, you know.
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[He looks at her, his expression more serious again. At the end of the day, he's not saying this to be nice.]
I'm saying it because I don't think you know.
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I'm not. You think I am, but I'm not.
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..And you tell me I'm hard on myself, huh. You don't get to say that to me ever again.
[He shakes his head.]
Look. Most people wouldn't even be trying in a place like this. They'd be satisfied with just getting by, trying not to stick out their necks too much and wasting all their time feeling sorry for themselves instead of actually doing anything about it.
That's not you though. It doesn't matter that you're scared or that you don't have any powers or any out there experiences. You just walk right up to the asshole with bullshit powers and you ask him questions until you get answers. Hell, you'll even sneak around the Lodge despite knowing you could be killed for it. It doesn't matter how many friends you've lost, or how tired you feel. You don't give up. Everyone who has doubted you is just fucking wrong about you and if that includes you, then fine. You're wrong, too, Natalie.
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[It's the first thing she says, a poor attempt at a joke in response to his first words. Again, she looks moved somehow, but moved enough to say what's really on her mind here.]
I couldn't save him. Save - them.
[There are a multitude of people she could be talking about, but she doesn't specify who exactly it is.]
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[That's sounding dead serious, but his tone does soften a little. He thinks he can more or less guess who she means by "them" but...]
...Them?
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[And that's not insincere, but of course there are people that dig at her more than others.]
Clarisse, Jughead, Dabi, Dazai... I couldn't even - I didn't even tell most of them how much they mattered before they were gone.
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[It's a quiet tone, but not one that suggests he has any doubts about it.]
But if you really don't think you're going to get the chance to tell them that yourself, you should ask Dabi or Hawks to pass on the message.
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[Maybe it should be, but...]
Even if it gets fixed, I still couldn't stop it in the first place.
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[She takes a breath, in and out, before:]
The... offers he makes us. Those are my fault, okay?
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...And how did you cause that?
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[She starts with that, and then continues on.]
I was talking to him the second week, after the time nobody listened to him and nobody killed each other, and I don't remember how we got on the topic, but... He said he was angry nobody had acted, and I asked him what he was going to do to change that. He said he was going to ask someone to kill again, but more forcefully this time around. And I'm - I was stupid. I just wanted him to realize he was being an idiot and give up before anything happened, so I told him that was never going to work, and he just... realized I was right, and told me he was going to try something else instead. Something to coerce us into it instead of just requesting. If I had just shut up for once, then maybe...
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....And you seriously think that he's stupid enough not to realize that or that this alleged genius boss of his wouldn't have told him to change up the formula. Weren't you the one telling me not to underestimate him?
[He's trying really hard not to sound exasperated here, but it comes out in a deep sigh.]
Look, he was obviously going to figure out his dumb idea was dumb, alright? You didn't tell him to start getting creative with the incentives so I don't know what you're beating yourself up for.
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We might have at least had an extra week to figure things out.
[A breath, and a sigh.]
...Sorry. I know it's stupid. We can talk about something else.
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I get why you're mad at yourself.
[There's a reason why people don't come to him with their emotional problems though, and Keith is aware enough of how bad he is at coaching people through their feelings that he has to deliberate for a bit over his words.]
I don't think you should be, but if you're gonna insist on it, do it productively. Find a way to make it righ because you're not going to be able to help anyone by wishing you could undo the past. It's okay to make mistakes. It's how we move forward that proves what we're made of.
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The same goes for you, you know.
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This is absolutely going to be a thing. You signed up for this.
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How do I un-sign up then.
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[It's another small attempt at a joke.]
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[So blunt......]
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[There's a smile to accompany that, more genuine than she's used to.]
...Thanks. For, um, for listening.
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