The peaceful times are over. Moloch von Zinzer was murdered, and Nine was sentenced as his murderer. Everyone in Cartesio knows that.
Although life goes on, it seems the town of Cartesio isn't going to forget the tourists' transgressions. Not only they commited larceny in the cinema, they also murdered and executed in their town! It's no surprise their hospitality towards the visitors has cooled down considerably.
Not only they're maintaining a tense cordiality with them, they also have started talking behind the visitors' backs. All kinds of rumors are starting to sprout, yet nobody seems to be willing to say it to the tourists' faces. Talking directly to most passerby makes them distrustful, and nobody seems to want to be in close quarters alone with them.
It's only matter of time before the relationship between tourists and Cartesio starts degrading even further.
In the lobby of the motel there's a few more brochures, and
the maps have been updated once again.
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cartesianism2018-10-14 10:52 am
no subject
[She frowns, raising one leg up onto the seat in front of her and wrapping her arm around it to draw it to her chest.]
Man... do you have any idea how hard it is to keep going "forward, relentlessly" when everyone in this town keeps reminding you of the guy who told you to go on without him?
[And then turns around and does stupid things like dying, just like he did? Nom, nom, frustration, nom.]
no subject
But then... as far as he was concerned... he didn't need any of that, where he was going.
Keep in mind, all of this happened before he came here.
[Dazai shifts the ice cream around, but he just continues to stare at it-- like he's seeing something else.]
...he is moving forward now. It's weak and clumbsy as attempts go, but he's doing it all the same. But he's still not sure that he can keep living this way, if he re-opens his old wounds. Even I don't know what he'll do at that time if he does.
Yet Oda is a man without ulterior motive. He's very simple, in that regard. What he says is the truth, at least the way he sees it. And though he can't see it, there's much more to him than his dark past.
we're probably walking right into spoilers and massive content warnings
...I don't have any reason not to believe in him. Even after this. I know he just did it to make it quick... the only people I can hate for it are the Sarge and Nine.
'Sides. It's not like he's the only person I know who's done bad things. And we all believed he could get better, too...
[And that's where Millium goes quiet, her sadness from after the trial washing over her again although thankfully, her tears are spent on this for now.]
...Dazai. He said something to me, when we were talking at the diner. That "life is important." Do you think so, too? ...Does that mean you guys feel like this every time someone dies?
straight into dazai's cw: suicidal ideation zone
[What Oda had done, he'd done with his heart on his sleeve, even if he was blind to it's greater meaning. But if the people that Oda grew to care about could see the truth then-- there was still a chance that he'd see it through their eyes one day.]
"A former killer isn't qualified to become a good person."
...is a mindset that I dislike very much.
[But she says something that gets him to drop a soft spoonful of ice cream in his mouth while he hums softly and stares at the softening lump that remains in it's paper cup.]
...what a strange question to ask a Suicide Maniac.
[Yet he laughs; ultimately giving a very serious answer.]
"Life is important"... heh. That's certainly something Odasaku would say. Life itself is both terribly long and terribly short. What time we have is unclear. And it can be both infinitely painful and ultimately rewarding.
What holds value to people is not "life" itself. After all, by itself it's something that is given freely and takes no shape or form-- only reflects countless possibilities. Rather-- it is what one does with that gift that creates it's significance.
But even as someone who seeks my own life's conclusion, there are a lot of lives that I've witnessed that matter. People who have the ability and potential to do great things. But not all lives are equal.
can we just assume everything out of this girl's mouth is a whole series spoiler? that'd be easier
[Then Rean was wrong, and they really never could have brought Crow back, even without Testa-Rossa getting in their way. And that's a reality that Millium refuses to accept.]
...It's not true. It's just not.
[Perhaps that's too simple of an answer to boil it down to, but Millium can't possibly put anything more complicated to words.
Everything Dazai says from that point on is a bit much for her, even, but she just nibbles at her ice cream and listens to him, keeping a level gaze on him.]
So then... what I'm feeling now, I'm supposed to feel this way? ...and then, I should have felt it for Moloch, too. For Mira, for Lovepon. ...and for Crow, more than I did.
[She draws that leg in as close as she can.]
...Am I gonna have to feel like this every time? That's... it's just so much. How do you guys take it?
we sure can
And the grief we feel at that loss... will match their significance to us.
[He drops his spoon back into the cup and leans back against his chair.]
Anything that is worth having in your life, especially the people in it, you have to be prepared to lose. I've always lived with that at the forefront of my mind. And once it's gone, you must have no expectation that you'll ever get it back. In most cases it's simply not possible.
Coming here... I've had to come to terms with a fear I never thought possible. I live in fear every day of a nightmare I never believed possible. If I lost Odasaku a second time, now-- I... I don't know what I'd do.
[And that is, for him, so strange that it's quite scary.]
It is a lot. But the loss is always proportional to the impact of all the good. It's possible for people to live on with the remnants-- whether it's a treasured belonging, memories... or the knowledge of the impact those lives made. People do it every day. It doesn't make it hurt less. But it's possible to live in spite of it.
no subject
What Dazai says to start with makes sense, although she can't help but still feel something like guilt gnawing at her for those she didn't particularly mourn. Still, that makes more sense of why Crow and Nine hurt so badly. They only briefly touched upon her life, but they'd absolutely made their marks.
It's the rest of it that's concerning. She's not sure she's prepared to lose some of the other people she can already tell are making their marks on her, and here Dazai is telling her she has to be. How does one prepare for that? A question to ask later, perhaps, because all she can manage at first is:]
We just have to keep goin' forward... relentlessly. Right?
[That's the part of Crow that she'll live on with, more than anything else.
But there is one more pressing thing...]
Wait. You've lost Oda before?
CW: the suicide talk is back
...I told you that before he came here, Odasaku made a decision. That was four years prior to my recent memory. And it was the last decision he ever made in that life.
[Dazai taps on the table as he finishes the tale— or at least enough of it to explain. There are some things that should come from Oda himself after all.]
Haaah... he committed a double suicide, knowing full well what would happen. And it’s that view of himself that he’s brought back with him from death itself. Our dear friend the Sergeant it would seem, admitted to bringing him back himself.
no subject
[She takes another couple bites of her ice cream, thinking.]
If Sarge brought him back, maybe we can find a way to keep him, too. I just... I don't want this to be a repeat of what happened with Crow.
I don't wanna chase and chase and keep trying to convince him just to lose him again...
no subject
[He'd thought a lot about Oda in the time he'd been gone back home. That man, though... he'd tried not to think of too often.]
It may be very difficult. Odasaku is a stubborn man.
[Yet he hums and smiles when he says it.]
However-- I let him step out of my reach once. I've already decided. This time he can try to run-- but I'll chase him no matter where he goes.
[Goodness, this got dark for a conversation at the ice cream shop. He gently pats Millium on the head.]
Be careful that you don't pick up any bad habits from idiots like us.
cw suicide bc dazai
[Stubborn, she means.
She picks up on what Dazai's implying, but decides it's best not to respond one way or the other. This is the self-proclaimed suicide maniac. If he's going to follow Oda into the grave... well, that just means she'll have to do her best to keep Oda out of it if she wants to keep Dazai out, won't it? That's all there is to be done with that.
She manages a little smile at that headpat, and up at Dazai.]
I'll do my best, but no promises. I'm kinda an idiot myself, so I've heard.
no subject
He can think of a few good examples at least.
It's a shame though, that someone like her has to worry about his actions. But then-- that's just the kind of person she's become, isn't it?]
No one can ask for more than your best. I have a feeling you'll do just fine.