Just like last week, the pile of votes appear in front of the Sergeant, who counts them with practiced ease. He stands up as soon as he's done, pausing for only a moment, before making his announcement.
[Millium raises her hand. And, shocker of shockers, she's actually not jumping up and down excitedly asking to be picked like one might expect her to be.
She's shockingly calm about this, really.
You wanted a dead body, Sarge. Let her give you one.]
[He's not going to say that she shouldn't. Nor will he say that his own reasons for volunteering aren't related to the fact that both she and Odasaku are putting themselves out there for this. But he will place a hand on her head.]
If this is something that you feel like you have to do-- I'm not going to stop you. But don't forget what you need to accomplish.
[She goes just slightly rigid at that. Rean and her friends wouldn't like what she's doing one bit. Especially if Rean knew why she was doing it.
...But that's okay. Rean is one of her favorite people in the world, and she'd follow him into the grave, but that doesn't mean he's right about everything. Sometimes, things really can't be sunshine and rainbows.]
Who I was manufactured to be.
[And while she's still smiling, there's a flatness to her tone now.]
Maybe, but... oh, what's the saying. Quality over quantity? Somethin' like that.
[That causes him to frown. Why does he continue to be drawn to people like this? As if it isn't hard enough to chase after one. Does he really have it in himself to chase after another?
...did he ever have a choice in the matter, with the first or now, the second? It always arrives at this point after it's too late.]
I wonder if you realize... how much like Odasaku you are.
And... if I'll watch you also throw away the person that you became with your own strength in favor of what you know best.
[It's not judgmental. It's just... wary. Not that it will hurt any less if he prepares himself for it.]
Well... someone like me probably doesn't have any right to say, one way or the other.
[Someone who doesn't care one way or the other what path he takes, and is "empty", only helping others as the result of a dying wish.]
[That actually gets her to change her expression, dropping her smile.]
This isn't me throwing that away. I can't entirely go back to who I used to be. They changed too much.
But, for the person who made me who I am now? If I have to pretend to be who I was for a day, if it helps him, then I don't have any regrets.
[That seems genuine, if nothing else. She can't comment on being "like Odasaku," it dawns on her more every time she talks to these two just how little she knows. But she can at least say that much.
Whether or not that helps Dazai from here... well, that's on Dazai, isn't it? This is her truth.]
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She's shockingly calm about this, really.
You wanted a dead body, Sarge. Let her give you one.]
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[ he will set his other hand on her shoulder. ]
Revenge won’t make this better.
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But Sarge wants me to kill someone if I want to get Rean home.
So I'm going to do it my way. And if I can get revenge for Bakky while I'm at it, then it's even sweeter, if you ask me.
[So there you go. There's her reason. She knows the others will probably still think it's bullshit, but she doesn't care. She's made her decision.]
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Right. I'm sure he'd be proud.
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Do I really look like I care?
[Judging from that smile? No. No, she absolutely does not.]
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Believe me, I haven't forgotten. I just want my bases covered.
[Sarge is absolutely to blame. But Millium is a spy, and she's worked all her life for a man arguably similar to this one.
This is just another mission to her.]
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but, then... Millium is not a baby, is she? he can’t protect her from what she’s already been through]
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[ oda doesn’t feel capable of saying anything.
he looks down, gritting his teeth. he’ll raise his hand a little higher, if he has to. ]
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If this is something that you feel like you have to do-- I'm not going to stop you. But don't forget what you need to accomplish.
[Just don't lose sight of what's important.]
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[And that seems pretty genuine, if still creepy coming out of, well. Her.]
Haven't you all read the guestbook by now? I know exactly what I'm doing. I'll be fine.
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[He prods her chest, where her heart is.]
...I've been in this situation once before, I can't help but worry.
But I'll support you, whatever you choose to do.
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"This" was made for jobs like this. For tonight and tomorrow, this is just another mission, and I just gotta be who I was made to be.
[Smile.]
I'll be okay. You don't have to worry about me on top of everyone else.
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[He laughs a little though. Right... everyone else...]
Oh I wouldn't worry about that. Someone like me doesn't have that many people to worry about.
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...But that's okay. Rean is one of her favorite people in the world, and she'd follow him into the grave, but that doesn't mean he's right about everything. Sometimes, things really can't be sunshine and rainbows.]
Who I was manufactured to be.
[And while she's still smiling, there's a flatness to her tone now.]
Maybe, but... oh, what's the saying. Quality over quantity? Somethin' like that.
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...did he ever have a choice in the matter, with the first or now, the second? It always arrives at this point after it's too late.]
I wonder if you realize... how much like Odasaku you are.
And... if I'll watch you also throw away the person that you became with your own strength in favor of what you know best.
[It's not judgmental. It's just... wary. Not that it will hurt any less if he prepares himself for it.]
Well... someone like me probably doesn't have any right to say, one way or the other.
[Someone who doesn't care one way or the other what path he takes, and is "empty", only helping others as the result of a dying wish.]
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This isn't me throwing that away. I can't entirely go back to who I used to be. They changed too much.
But, for the person who made me who I am now? If I have to pretend to be who I was for a day, if it helps him, then I don't have any regrets.
[That seems genuine, if nothing else. She can't comment on being "like Odasaku," it dawns on her more every time she talks to these two just how little she knows. But she can at least say that much.
Whether or not that helps Dazai from here... well, that's on Dazai, isn't it? This is her truth.]
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"I've never regretted anything I've done. I've only ever regretted the things that I didn't do."
[Well, if the person who'd died had been Oda, he'd be the same. So he's always understood. Though he may not have given her enough credit until now.]
In that case, I'm sure you'll be just fine.
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Thanks. I'll make sure you're not puttin' that confidence somewhere you shouldn't.
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[He shakes his head. You can’t stop her.]
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Welcome to his nightmarish regrets.]