week 5, post trial.

[robitussin]

[Another week draws to a close, but as more culprits are led away, something is different all the same. After this particular trial, perhaps it's not a surprise that there's no note or offer to meet in a specific place tonight. Can any of them say they have any energy or desire to do something like that at a time like this? The place they regrouped last Saturday evening stands there, burned nearly beyond recognition, and the townspeople look at them with the distrust that's been steadily building. Not to mention... Those are the least of the losses they've faced in the last few days.

Of course, even as so much changes day by day, the town remains, with plenty of places for people to go if they don't want to stay inside the motel. Where can you be found tonight?]

Comments

[robitussin]

...I hate everything here. What's one more thing?

[quickpersuader]

You will make mistakes. In one of the worst case scenarios... that mistake could even cost lives. The weight of those mistakes might never leave you.

But... those mistakes are also what make us who we are. As long as you can keep living beyond those mistakes, even if they scar you, it will change you.

It might change you for the worse. But it might change you for the better. It's possible... it won't be a good or a bad thing, just different.

But part of how you change is in how you allow those mistakes to change you. Does that make sense?

[robitussin]

[It's not bad advice, when all is said and done. She even nods, though her expression tightens.

All the same:]

I just want to go home.

[quickpersuader]

[Just slightly, Kino's expression softens with sympathy.]

I know.

Please try to survive so you can.

[robitussin]

[A bitter laugh.]

Who says that'll happen even if I do?

[quickpersuader]

...I'm not the one who can make that choice, unfortunately.

[But...]

...Mm. My opinion doesn't matter that much. But I have a little leeway now, so I'll keep searching, too.

[robitussin]

...Even if I got one, I couldn't use the stupid medal if it meant it'd take away a chance from someone else.

[She's abrasive and angry and judgmental and cynical...

But that doesn't mean she isn't selfless, almost to a fault.]

[quickpersuader]

...You're a very kind person, Natalie.

[robitussin]

...No, I'm not. I just know I'd feel awful about it forever, so it's still selfish.

[quickpersuader]

You're much less selfish than someone who looks out only for themselves.

[Because, well.

Yeah.]

[robitussin]

Not doing something just so you won't feel bad about doing it is looking out for yourself.

[quickpersuader]

That's true. But you can feel bad about it because you're able to feel bad for others in the first place.

[robitussin]

...That's not kind. That's just human.

[quickpersuader]

...You have a very optimistic view of people, I think.

[robitussin]

That is the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me.

[quickpersuader]

I've probably just seen too much by now.

[robitussin]

It seems to me like your experience has skewed a lot to the... really fucking awful side of things.

[quickpersuader]

Probably...

But I've seen really "fucking amazing" things, too.

[robitussin]

[A beat.]

Kino, I asked you the best place you've ever been and the story you told me involved an entire country dying in a natural disaster.

[quickpersuader]

Yes, but it was wonderful until then.

Nothing amazing will last forever. But nothing awful will last forever, either. Everything comes to an end eventually.

[robitussin]

...That's more optimistic than I expected from you, too.

[Even if it was more realistic than anything else.]

[quickpersuader]

...You think so?

[Then again, people having expectations after knowing her at all is kind of an oddity.]

[robitussin]

Yeah, I do. I mean... Everything you've told me sounds awful to me, at least. If I were in your shoes I'd have a different view on it, I guess.

[quickpersuader]

[She hums thoughtfully.]

I don't know... Something about seeing a new place, no matter how good or awful it is...

The memories I make, of the places and the people I see... They're all really precious to me. Maybe it's because of what I told you earlier, but with each new thing I experience... It just teaches me even more about how wide and vast the world is.

[robitussin]

[She pauses, curious.]

And it never, like... Freaks you out, how big it is? Like, how much you haven't seen.