cartesianism | week 6, post trial

week 6, post trial

[Their numbers keep falling. Three people have died already this week, with two more on the way tomorrow. With the outburst the townspeople gave them once the results came through... If anyone were feeling downhearted, it's to be expected at this point. Things continuing at their current pace is a frightening thought, after all. Like last week, the offer to spend time together or meet in a central location doesn't come.

Hawks and Dabi wait for the morning in their cells, but the rest of the tourists are free to wander about the town as they please; free to rest, to talk with each other, and to try to gather strength wherever they can. So, where does the evening find you, Cartesio?]

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[That's so blatantly his line seeing as he's the one who kinda abandoned her at the library that it takes him a moment to wrap his mind around how to respond to this.]

...How should you have reacted then?

[It's strange, how nervous she feels even when she already knows how he feels. Still, she glances at him for a moment before looking out towards the water.]

I shouldn't have immediately yelled "what", for starters. That probably wasn't the best.

[She runs a hand through her hair.]

Look, I...

[He'll replay that moment for a second before cringing so hard he quashes the memory again. It's only some misplaced stubbornness that keeps him where he is to make some conscious effort to not repeat history here.]

Look.

[Bad start, bad tone. Trying again in a softer tone as he glances cautiously in her direction.]

It's fine. Really.

Edited (html is the bane of my existence) 2018-11-11 05:42 (UTC)

No, it's not. I mean, I...

[She hesitates again. What finally pushes the words out of her mouth is the remembrance of the relief she felt when she woke up in the morning and found him safe, the fear she felt when she entered the courtroom and saw him on the suspect list.

There's another breath, but:]

I feel the same, okay? That's all.

[He blinks, looking at her with obvious confusion. Instinctively he feels there's been some kind of mistake or that she's saying it to keep from feeling awkward. Or perhaps she's just saying it because she's just lost two of her friends and she's feeling lost.]

..Seriously?

[That slips out before he can get his mind back in working orde and the pleasant surprise in his tone sounds stupid in his ears. Keith clears his throat.]

[And just like that, her nerve disappears with the blush that comes to her face as she looks his way.]

I wouldn't lie about something like that.

[......He'll just let this hang for a moment. Maybe he'll have a better idea of what to say after a few seconds have gone by, it;s an absolutely foolproof plan.

It is not a foolproof plan.]

I- I didn't think you would lie about... [Where's this train of thought going? Nowhere it's going fucking nowhere. He's just putting his foot in his mouth.] I mean...

[Time to look away, see if that helps.]

Sorry. I just... didn't think you would.

Yeah, well... Same, I guess. I mean, not same that I didn't think I would, but same that I didn't think you would, and - no, never mind. That's not important.

[She has an idea of what is important, but that doesn't make it easier to vocalize.]

I don't, um... Know where we go from here.

...But you're --

[He stops, realizing the rest of that sentence is deeply embarrassing. He keeps his eyes focused on Cosmo for a moment, trying to get a grip on himself. It's tenuous at best, but when he speaks again it's at least calmer sounding.]

I don't know where to go either. There wasn't... really a whole lot of time for this kind of thing back home and...I guess I've never thought about it.

[Risking a glance:]

Help?

[There's a laugh at his question, but it's not mocking at all. The noise is more surprised and nervous than anything else, really. After a moment:]

If you knew how my last relationship ended, you would not be asking me for help with this.

[Okay, making her laugh is a step in a direction that feels a little less awkward. He doesn't relax entirely, but he does smile a little.]

So how'd it end?

[Something in her expression makes it clear that she wasn't expecting him to ask, and while she does answer, her voice trades some of that nervous energy for something like regret.]

...A lot of stuff happened with my family and I did something really stupid because of it, and he knew about the really stupid stuff I did, so I just... stopped talking to him.

[There's more to it than that, of course, but that's the simplest explanation.]

[Keith's quiet a moment. He's not going to say what he's thinking -- that this is still technically a better end to a relationship than what could happen to them. If they're not dead, then who knows what might become of them? They could be brainwashed citizens of Cartesio in one scenario. Or simply.. just... part ways to go back to their own worlds in another.

The thought is immensely sobering and it gets the smile to fade gradually as he just starts looking thoughtful again.]

Must've been a difficult time for you. I think I get it.

[He's not going to say 'sorry' or anything like that, but after a moment he will look down at her hand and very slowly put his hand over hers.]

Yeah, but... Going through shit doesn't give you a license to be an asshole.

[That being said, she doesn't move her hand away. She shifts to lock her fingers through his after a moment.]

[There's a second of tension when she interlaces their fingers. Not that it's bad or anything, but it'd already taken a lot to just reach out to touch her hand in the first place and thinking about how they're actually holding hands now is... well, he's going to try not to think about it.

He looks up at her, if only because looking at their hands is now too odd to stomach. She gets a quiet, nervous laugh after a moment.]

I've met a lot of assholes. Trust me, you aren't one of them. I know how it is to feel so ashamed of yourself that you start pushing everyone away. I had to learn not to do that...and I guess I'm still learning not to do that.

It's hard though and maybe you shouldn't be beating yourself up for something you're trying to change.

Edited 2018-11-11 15:21 (UTC)

[She listens to what he says, and it's clear from her immediate expression that it's meaningful to her in some way. Her response, as such, comes delayed as she decides what to say.]

...I think you might be way too forgiving.

[She sounds thoughtful rather than contrary, though.]

I'm also pretty sure you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

[His shoulders tense up a little at what she says, but he doesn't respond immediately.]

...First time I've heard that.

[It's funny, in a way. He doesn't know where to even begin with how wrong she is on that one... and maybe he still can;t really bring himself to talk about it because if he hasn't been able to look at himself the same way again because of it, then neither will anyone else.]

[There's hesitation before she continues, but when she does, there's concern in her voice]

What is it?

It's...

[Well, it's not nothing, but the right word for it is eluding him. He shakes his head.]

I messed really badly right before I woke up here. I don't know if they'll forgive me for it.

What happened?

[A second or two passes, before she amends that.]

...If you want to talk about it.

I mentioned it before. Had an argument with Lance. Well... Lance and all the other paladins.

["Argument." It was less that and more....

He takes a deep breath, and gently try to pull his hand free. Preemptive move so he doesn't have to deal with her doing it to him.]

You really want to hear about it?

[She puts her hand back on her lap when he removes his, but she nods.]

If that's okay.

[He's obviously reluctant and definitely dodging eye contact again and looking over at Cosmo instead. Eventually though, he talks in a fairly distant tone of voice.]

After we lost the castleship, we were headed back to Earth in our lions to try and get a replacement ship, but something was wrong with our lion's power cores after our last fight. The lions were losing power and on the way, we were all hit with some energy from space, and somehow we all got separated from our lions.

It was just... the five of us, drifting along in deep space. No food, no supplies, we were all just... I don't know. Waiting? Hoping? [He shakes his head.] The truth is we were all starting to go crazy. I was hallucinating pretty badly, seeing enemies that weren't there... that kind of thing.

I'd never been so damn scared, you know? I was supposed to be their leader. Keep the group together, but I just...

[She listens to everything he says, but before she can respond... There's a drop in temperature that spreads through her chest, accompanied by a familiar sensation of falling. Without hesitation:]

Were you... okay?

...No. But none of us were.

[He exhales slowly, looking down at his shoes again.]

Point is... I was a real shitty leader at a time when I needed to be strong for everyone.

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