cartesianism | WEEK 1: April 2nd

WEEK 1: April 2nd - April 6th

Peace Week

Sunday must have been exhausting for you, maybe even upsetting. A new town, new faces and a an ominous order from a man without a face... who wouldn't be a little frightened? Hopefully, all of that is forgotten when you climb out from under your blankets this fine Monday. Rise and shine! A new morning is a new start!

If you make your way to the lounge, you will find a few copies of the local newspaper provided for your perusal. Once you go outdoors, you'll find the weather forecast 100% accurate. It's pretty impressive.

It seems that quiet mornings like this are going to be your everyday life now. Maybe you should see this whole stay as a vacation? Go out and explore the town, meet your fellow motel guests and meet the townspeople. They're sure to welcome you with a smile!

This week's special in the diner is lemon pie made with love (and a top-secret recipe)

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[Welcome to the peace week! This week there won't be a murder nor a task. Enjoy the peace while it lasts! If you want to contact the Sergeant, please post here!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It is very hard to overlook just how much Keith just doesn't want to talk. Part of Cian wants to respect this, be compassionate and mindful of others needs... Another part of her insists that loneliness isn't a good thing so she should be compassionate and mindful and engage him in conversation... Both of these parts are very publicly correct, for sure.

And that alone makes Cian opt for her third impulse, which is to press on on the uncomfortable topic. Minimal rebellion. ]

You'll just keep everything locked up then?

[Christ, she's still talking about this. What the heck does she want from him? Floor plans down to the last square centimeter? His sleep schedule for when he'll be awake to keep a physical eye on his personal armory? Keith looks at her.]

What do you have going on in your life that you're this concerned about what I'm doing? Who do you thik you are?

[ Okay, that just gets him a blink and an incredulous look. ]

You know... I've been kidnapped into a completely different world with dangers I never knew in my whole life.

[ That's what's going on??? ]

If I'm not working with this correctly, it's because I never had to.

Here's your first tip. Don't piss off people with weapons.

[Since she apparently needs that explicitly spelled out for her???]

... are you dangerous or not?

[ You literally just implied you wouldn't use the weapons, jeeze! ]

Second tip: use your head.

[ There's a pause. Time to think! ]

If you were dangerous, you'd either be a pretty thoughtless dangerous person or a genius one. Announcing your interest in weapons like this would only not work against you if you had a really clever scheme.

So you're probably just not dangerous.

[That's a rather backhanded way of walking herself through it, and it earns Cian a face, but nevertheless.]

See how easy that was,

And if you were dangerous, you'd have no reason to instruct me to second guess you. I'd have simply taken your word for it if you'd said no, after all.

[ We are on a roll with thoughts here!! ]

[Why the heck she's so happy about her own naivete here is truly a mystery for the ages.

The server returns with their waters and the side of nachos. Keith remains silent as the items are placed down on the table. Once the server leaves, he sips at his water (surprisingly delicately) through a straw.]

How do you live?

Huh?

[ Well, Cian has spent a lot of time already explaining her world to other people, so she supposes this is just another such incident. ]

I live in a world in which there is no danger nor... nor privacy... [ uwaaah she hasn't said this word in a while! ]... and in which the medicules inside of me take care of all my aches before I can feel them.

So I never had to consider anything like this before.

[Cue Keith just raising an eyebrow at Cian with marked incredulity. She has no reason to lie about something like this, and furthermore her very behavior corroborates this "no danger = perpetual brainstate on off" thing, but it's still a weird world to hear about.

It's also not what he was getting at, but that's fine.]

Have you had to consider anything before?

[There. Is that a better reframing of the question?]

[ That gives Cian pause. A long pause. A 'staring into water and taking a long sip' pause. ]

It's better to not consider anything. [ That just hurts and it hurts Cian like hell - the one time she made a choice all of her own that nobody told her to make. ]

I did make a meaningful decision before, but it's been a long time ago.

[ Fully honest. Getting defensive doesn't seem to be a thing happening with her. ]

[Take your time with the pause, Cian. Keith will wait patiently, sipping his water like an ill tempered kid with a juicebox. He wasn't expecting any kind of answer that made sense, but her eventual reply manages to defy even his lowest expectations.]

What and your one bad decision made you write off making decisions forever? The hell did you do?

I betrayed a promise.

[ She smiles helplessly, not sure how much of this story she wants to tell to this random kids. At this point a lot of other visitors know the rough details of what went down because Cian finds herself confronted with it at every corner... Weird how the floodgates just open after you say it once, even if you've kept it inside for 13 years before. ]

It wasn't a bad decision and I'd do it again. [ Because Tuan has thanked her, because Tuan is glad she's still alive - she can't disrespect Tuan in such a way, she can't even hypothetically undo her friends last 13 years. Those are Tuan's and Tuan's alone. ]

But it made me realize that I can't escape my society no matter what I do. Considering it too deeply just makes it suffocating, it's better to stop.

[Squint. He puts the glass of water down, and starts picking at the nachos.]

So you gave up.

[Matter of fact, more so than it is judgmental. In a way, he's almost reminded of the last thing he said to Allura about her father, and that -- that makes him change course immediately.]

Well you've finally escaped it now so I guess you must be thrilled to be here.

[Joy.]

[ Cian doesn't contest his assessment at all. It's true. She gave up. Fully and entirely. ]

'Escape' is a pretty word for being brought without any contribution of my own.

[ Nevermind that being excited about this place would be rather heartless. ]

[Munch crunch on the nachos.]

How much do you want to go back. Really.

[ Huh... ]

I hadn't thought about it. [ Tuan is still in their world, Cian is pretty sure of that now. She doesn't want to leave her behind, least of all when Miach is concerned... but that doesn't really matter because... ]

I think someone very important from my world might want me to be here and I owe it to her.

[Not that his own theory that the Sergeant is some kind of figure analogous to "Bob" is much different, but this gets him to narrow his eyes. He's really not getting the impression that Cian knows any interdimensional omnipotent beings.]

What's that supposed to mean?

[Evidently he's curious enough that he stops eating nachos to give her his full attention.]

The friend who I betrayed. She called me right before I got here. She said I should prove myself. Miach is the smartest person I have ever met. If anyone can do something like this, it's Miach. This is her ideal world. A place where your self is more valuable than anything else.

I don't get it though. I've asked people here about her, by name, by description... Nobody has met her. Why would Miach do this to any of you?

[The elaboration hits Keith in waves. First like a distant "yeah that's dumb, moving on" but as it continues, the magnitude of the stupidity of it swells like a hydra sprouting several ugly heads. Keith slams an open hand down hard on the table.]

It's obviously not your friend who's responsible!

[It's snapped at her, harsh, cutting.]

Do you really think everything revolves around you and your broken promises? Just how important do you think you are?!

[ Cian flinches at the outburst. Nobody ever yells. Not even Miach, not even Tuan... Their resentment was quiet flames, never explosions. In all her life, nobody has ever yelled at Cian like this.

She draws herself back against the backrest of her seat, accidentally knocking over her glass of water.

How important do you think you are?

She's very important. She's a precious resource. Her life is needed by mankind. Her body isn't her own, that is how important she is. Every move she makes is for the people she is so precious to---

--- She isn't important at all. Her life, her death, those are only her own, because she doesn't matter. Nobody should care about her, there is no reason to. There is only Cian and she isn't important in the slightest.

She can't speak. There is no way she can answer this question. Her mouth just hangs open uselessly as she stares at Keith in shock. ]

[ Cian isn't important, but Miach... Miach can do anything... Miach is everything - not to the world, just to Tuan and Cian. A messiah just for them. The heart and soul of their rebellion, the void left in their lives.

Miach can do anything.

Miach brought her here.

She can make it up to Miach.

Are you watching, Miach? Are you seeing my weakness? I'm sorry, Miach. I'm so so sorry.

Tears well up in Cian's eyes, partly shock and partly a deep-seated sorrow that's been eating at her core for so long. There is moisture everywhere. The drip-drop of the spilled water from the table onto her skirt. The tears that pool and start to spill without her permission.

But she really has to smile. Interface properly. It's all she's good at. All she can do. ]

I don't matter at all, I know that. I'm only me, that's why...

[ ... that's why she can't think of anyone or anything else. ]

[Adrenaline has his heart racing in his chest, his palm stinging from the impact. The occupants in the diner are looking at him, the atmosphere unnaturally still and hushed while the jukebox continues to crank out cheerful music unimpeded. Keith doesn't give a flying fuck about any of that right now. There's been tension gnawing away at his insides for days now, catalyzed by his utter helplessness to do anything to save the other paladins. His friends.

His friends that he yelled at in much the same fashion. Do you really think we're some chosen saviors?! What are we DOING here?! He'd screamed venom at them, all of them, knowing it'd hurt, knowing damn well that he was supposed to be their leader. The person everyone could count on. The one who was supposed to be holding them together in difficult times. Not kicking sand in their eyes, not slashing gaping wounds in their morale.

Keith grits his teeth, both hands now clenched into tight fists. What the hell is he doing now? Eating food, sitting down leisurely at a diner while the others back home are starving to death or frozen indefinitely in lions that aren't fucking working anymore. And what the hell can he still do for them even if he manages to make it back? They all hate him by now and he can't fucking blame them for it. Any of it.

And from the looks of it, he hasn't learned a fucking thing. Yelling at an unrelated girl who's never had to really think for herself or defend herself. Scaring her into tears as she just sits there letting the spilled water drip onto her lap. Shame burns his insides -- he should be better than this.

But in the end? He just isn't.

Keith tosses his napkin at her, still fuming still furious.]

You-! Stop smiling if you're upset.

WEEK 1: April 2nd - April 6th

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