week 5, post trial.

[robitussin]

[Another week draws to a close, but as more culprits are led away, something is different all the same. After this particular trial, perhaps it's not a surprise that there's no note or offer to meet in a specific place tonight. Can any of them say they have any energy or desire to do something like that at a time like this? The place they regrouped last Saturday evening stands there, burned nearly beyond recognition, and the townspeople look at them with the distrust that's been steadily building. Not to mention... Those are the least of the losses they've faced in the last few days.

Of course, even as so much changes day by day, the town remains, with plenty of places for people to go if they don't want to stay inside the motel. Where can you be found tonight?]

Comments

[robitussin]

...No, it's not.

[She says, without elaborating.]

[quickpersuader]

[Kino watches her for a bit.]

Doing things without dying also counts, you know.

[But she won't push beyond that.]

[robitussin]

That's not...

[What she meant, but she doesn't say that. She just continues on for a tense moment.]

Everyone who's died left their rooms where other people could find them, or tried to escape, or attacked the Sergeant, or killed someone. It's not hard not to do any of those things. I don't get why everyone is so...

[She rubs a hand over her face.]

Never mind.

[quickpersuader]

...I don't think staying in your room necessarily makes a person here safe from murder.

[robitussin]

That doesn't mean that we couldn't give it a shot for one fucking week.

[She runs her hands through her hair, taking in a breath.]

[quickpersuader]

We'd probably end up with a corpse in a room instead.

[As people here have proven, they can be very determined when it comes to claiming the motive.]

[robitussin]

And at that point you can say it's more of an accomplishment to still be alive. But not now.

[quickpersuader]

Then I'll be sure to congratulate you if that happens and you don't become involved in the trial.

[...And she means it.]

[robitussin]

Why are you...

[She pauses.]

You're acting weird.

[quickpersuader]

Am I?

[Genuine question.]

[robitussin]

...You said you thought I was doing good.

[That's what's weird to her, apparently.]

[quickpersuader]

But you are.

[Simple as that.]

[robitussin]

Yeah, but, like... How?

[She sounds puzzled, at the very least. She doesn't see it the same way.]

[quickpersuader]

Being able to face painful things over and over again without giving up isn't something just anyone can do. There's a lot of people who give in to despair before that.

But you're still here. And you're still trying. That's really good. ...Especially for someone who isn't used to dangerous situations like this.

[robitussin]

[After a moment, quietly, with no small amount of guilt:]

I don't want to.

[She doesn't specify which part of it she means, though.]

[quickpersuader]

For now, you are. So I'll keep thinking it's good.

[robitussin]

Okay, but even if you think that, you shouldn't!

[Her voice cracks as she bites down on her lip, trying to breath in deeply.]

[quickpersuader]

Why not?

[robitussin]

Because I'm not...

[She takes another breath, trying to hold herself back from the reaction that she wants to give.]

Because sure, maybe that's true from now. Maybe I'm not giving up now, maybe I'm still trying. But I'm not... I'm not good at this, okay? I'm not the kind of person who doesn't fuck things up eventually.

[quickpersuader]

[Another moment of silence.]

Are you afraid it won't last? Because you'll mess up.

[robitussin]

...I’m not afraid. I’m certain, okay? That’s just... what happens.

[quickpersuader]

[This time, Kino fully turns to Natalie, walking up to her properly.]

...You'll probably hate to hear this. Do you want to anyway?

[robitussin]

...I hate everything here. What's one more thing?

[quickpersuader]

You will make mistakes. In one of the worst case scenarios... that mistake could even cost lives. The weight of those mistakes might never leave you.

But... those mistakes are also what make us who we are. As long as you can keep living beyond those mistakes, even if they scar you, it will change you.

It might change you for the worse. But it might change you for the better. It's possible... it won't be a good or a bad thing, just different.

But part of how you change is in how you allow those mistakes to change you. Does that make sense?

[robitussin]

[It's not bad advice, when all is said and done. She even nods, though her expression tightens.

All the same:]

I just want to go home.